What Teen Moms Need the Most

Teenage motherhood is a scary thing. The vast majority of these pregnancies are totally unplanned, and this puts the mother in a position of great conflict. Maybe her parents aren’t supportive. Maybe her boyfriend has left her alone. Maybe everyone around her is pushing for her to get an abortion or to give up her child.

However, the teen mother who chooses to keep her baby is a fighter. She has a strong spirit who yearns to see through what she began, even when life doesn’t go according to plan.

1. Support, Not Shame

When a teen mother learns that she is pregnant, Western society puts her in a very ostracized position. Even the most liberal views oftentimes treat her as an irresponsible person. Yet in choosing to keep her baby and go into the foster system with him or her, this young mother is choosing her child over herself.

This is a brave choice, a bold choice, and—whether she feels it or not—a strong choice.

Yes, your charge needs help, but she is capable and she wants to learn. This article from Perpetual Fostering explains that someone preparing to foster a teen mom should help them learn to put their baby first. As her foster parent, it is crucial that you remind her of this every single day. As you are bringing her through the baby books, teaching her how to change a diaper, helping her with her midnight feedings, and the many many other responsibilities she is now shouldering, you are teaching her the practical skills she needs to offer her baby while fostering her powerful spirit.

2. Foster Her Dreams

It is crucial that you teach this young mother that her baby comes first in all pursuits. However, in order for her to put her child first, she needs to know how to care for herself.

One of the fastest ways to show someone that they are worth caring for is to support their dreams. If she is an aspiring singer, find a way for her to have even 30 minutes a week at a voice lesson so that she can have something just for her. If she wants to provide financially for her child on her own, research with her how to start a side hustle that is going to give them passive income.

Talk with the young mother about her dreams for her and her baby, and work together on a plan that she can implement early in her child’s youth so that they can be self-sufficient and she can be a well-rounded person to give her child the education and inspiration that baby will one day need.

3. You are Her Mentor and Friend, but Not Her Mother

When in a fostering position, the people you’re bringing into your home become members of your own family. It’s difficult when fostering a young mother and her baby. Foster parents have a tendency to view their charges as their own. As such, they often take on mentoring roles.

However, these mentoring roles need to be differentiated from parental roles. While foster parents need to establish rules for their own household, a parent fostering a young mother needs to recognize that the young mother is an autonomous individual and is capable of making her own financial and social decisions. Allowing the young mother to make her own decisions—good or bad—allows her the opportunity to learn from her mistakes and establish herself as an individual.

Obviously, if a young mother is not caring for her child, not caring for herself, or putting herself or the child in danger, it is the foster parents’ duty to step in. However, if the mother is making decisions that are not good but not dangerous, the foster parent needs to act as a mentor and a friend. The foster parent needs to say they do not approve of the behavior and outline the reasons why with compassion, but the foster parent cannot control the teen mother. This does not mean the foster parent must approve of the teen mothers behavior, and this disapproval can be made known. However, the teen mother needs to learn her own lessons early on in this process so she can learn her values and teach them to her child when her child is dealing with the same temptations.

At the end of the day, fostering a teen mother is a tricky job. There is a delicate balance between being foster parent and friend. This balance needs to be achieved through support and unconditional love for both the teen mother and the child.

Providing the monetary, educational, emotional and spiritual support is crucial for showing the teen mother how cared for she really is. Warning her against danger and teaching her what is right will help keep her on the right path and establish her skills so that she can one day provide for her baby on her own and be ready for a relationship with a man who truly wants to be a father.